1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,671 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,009 You got any fresh coffee? 3 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,385 - Mm-hmm. - Great. 4 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:16,975 Oh, Carla, boy, I hate to criticize, but I can't believe you actually read 5 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:22,481 these sleazy scandal sheets. I mean, look at this. Even I'm above this. 6 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,818 "Bigfoot Stole My Wife." 7 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:32,324 "Have Aliens Taken Over Your Pet?" I mean, this is garbage. 8 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,954 For your information, Sam, I don't read those articles. 9 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,956 I think they're just as stupid as you do. 10 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:42,918 I get it because they happen to have a great crossword puzzle. 11 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:47,923 Okay, let's see. Hmm, seven across. 12 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,676 "Five-headed cow born in Vermont." 13 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,680 Maybelle. 14 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,266 Uh, 16 across. 15 00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,143 "State with the most UFO babies." 16 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,481 Arkansas. 17 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,067 I don't believe you. 18 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:12,406 Thirty-two across. "The aphrodisiac found in every kitchen cabinet." 19 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:19,746 Uh, I don't know what that one is. Let me see what 14 down is. 20 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:24,126 "Where Franco's brain is being kept alive." 21 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,169 Fish tank. 22 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:31,842 Okay, so, the fifth letter of the aphrodisiac is an A. 23 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,970 Now I remember. Oregano. 24 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,766 Trash. 25 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,042 Hi, sweetheart. 26 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,835 Oh, come on, don't look at me like that. 27 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,213 I know we haven't spent that much time together lately, but 28 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:55,425 an awful lot's been happening down at Cheers. Let me just grab a beer. 29 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:59,221 Anyway, this woman, Irene Blanchard, walks into the bar a few weeks ago, 30 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,848 and Coach falls for her like a ton of bricks. 31 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,059 Kind of like when we first laid eyes on each other. 32 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:07,145 Yeah, well, next thing you know, he's taking her out on the town 33 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,398 and they've been seeing each other every night since. 34 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:13,193 So I guess it wasn't totally unexpected when Coach comes in tonight and-- 35 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,904 Hey, hey, hey, I saw that yawn. 36 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,365 Well, I can finish this story tomorrow. 37 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,450 Come on, let's you and me turn in, huh? 38 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:25,205 No. No! Shh. You'll wake up Vera. 39 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:28,875 - Norm? - Be right up, dear. 40 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,545 You stupid dog. 41 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,172 I hope she's not in the mood to talk... 42 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,632 or anything. 43 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,720 Antony, everything under control? 44 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,681 Yeah, Ma. What'd you think? The place'd be on fire? 45 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,267 Never mind, wise guy. I was a little worried, 46 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,811 this being your first time watching the kids alone. 47 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:51,523 - Yeah, I know, but it was no sweat. - That's my little man. 48 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,610 It feels good to get off my feet. 49 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,321 - Hey, where are the kids, anyway? - Locked in the hall closet. 50 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,949 - Well, let 'em out. - Yeah, sure, Ma. 51 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,201 I didn't say now. 52 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,038 Would you like another piece of pie, Cliff ie? 53 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:11,168 Ah, well, Ma, I shouldn't, but I can't resist your gooseberry pie, Mom. 54 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,546 Wipe your chin, dear. That's a good boy. 55 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,840 Did you have a nice time tonight at Cheers? 56 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,552 - Yeah, it was okay. - Did you meet any young ladies? 57 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,055 Well, no, but there was some excitement, though. 58 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,558 Remember I told you about the Coach and that woman Irene? 59 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,062 Well, tonight he asked her to marry him and, uh, you know, she said yeah. 60 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,857 Next thing you know, she gets a call from her daughter, 61 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:37,110 and Irene's won the lottery. Two million smackers. 62 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,279 - Good Lord. - Yeah, yeah. 63 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:43,325 We're kind of worried, though. I mean, she seemed to forget all about Coach when she won that dough. 64 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,535 Well, maybe it'll work out. 65 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:49,581 Cliff ie, when are you going to take me to Cheers to meet your friends? 66 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,542 - When hell freezes over. - What was that? 67 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,961 Uh, when I get the front seat of the car fixed, Ma. 68 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,046 Fine. 69 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,675 Hello. 70 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,512 What are you wearing? 71 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,389 - Hello, Frasier. - I'm not Frasier. 72 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,100 I'm not wearing anything. Does that excite you? 73 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,270 Frasier, I know it's you. It's very late. 74 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,147 Blast! You always know it's me. 75 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,107 You always do the same thing. 76 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,485 I just called to say I love you. 77 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,111 Oh, that's sweet. 78 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,989 You're the most thoughtful boyfriend I've ever had. 79 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,324 That's not saying much. 80 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,369 Oh, speaking of Sam... Ooh, this is good. 81 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,538 That woman Coach has been seeing, Irene, 82 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,039 has a daughter, Sue, 83 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,833 and when they came in a few weeks ago, 84 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,836 Sam offered to pick up Sue so Coach would be with Irene, 85 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,256 but she turned him down flat. She was great. 86 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:42,384 And the best thing is it's really been bugging Sam-- 87 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,803 And then tonight, she did it again. 88 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,597 I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying it. 89 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,892 You little devil. Well, my dearest, I will bid you goodnight. 90 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:54,688 By the way, I really don't have any clothes on. This phone booth is freezing. 91 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:59,109 Goodnight, Frasier darling. Sweet dreams. 92 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:07,158 Curly, I'm going to really give it to you this time. 93 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,745 Good Lord, aren't all the eight-year-olds in bed by now? 94 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,623 - ...some of our top stories... - Good, some late news. 95 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,085 Well, let's see what's on the old tube here. 96 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:18,879 On Capitol Hill... 97 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,757 Well, I watched some news over the weekend. That's good enough, I guess. 98 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,010 Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! 99 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:29,306 Oh, great. I love this one. They're doctors. 100 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,779 Hey, Diane. 101 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,992 Surprise. Found something else of yours lying around my place. 102 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,038 Remember this? 103 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,290 Good Lord. 104 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:59,002 Is that for wearing or signaling aircraft? 105 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,922 Well, this is your teddy, isn't it? 106 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,633 I don't know which of your mindless bimbi 107 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,593 left that in your apartment. 108 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:11,264 If she paid money for it, she should be seen to and chemically altered. 109 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,435 Hey, uh, what, you don't like the color? 110 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,355 What made you think that was mine? 111 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:22,359 Well, you're the only person I know that shops at those fancy French places. 112 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,364 "The House of Ooh La La." 113 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,325 Get it away from me. It's horrendous. 114 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,746 Wow. 115 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,207 This is lovely. 116 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,168 Do you want it? 117 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,754 Me? Oh, I can't take this, Sam. 118 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,506 No, no, please, go ahead. 119 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:45,966 God, thanks. 120 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,053 Oh, from the House of Ooh La La. 121 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,098 Evening, everybody. 122 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,265 Norm! 123 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,308 Norman. 124 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,686 Tell us what you know, Norm. 125 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,981 Oh, God's in his heaven and something, something, something. 126 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,359 - How about a beer? - Yeah, that's it. 127 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,154 See, your Florida tan is far deeper, far richer, 128 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,782 than your ordinary, common run-of-the-mill tan. 129 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,034 As a matter of fact, I've got a patch over here. 130 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,911 I'll show you the distinction. 131 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,789 I see Cliff found somebody he hasn't bored to death 132 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,708 with his Florida spiel yet, huh? 133 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,711 Marco Polo didn't talk about his trip this much. 134 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,879 Now, you see how the rayon sock... 135 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:28,133 Oh, gee, it's 7:00. You wonder where the evening's gone. 136 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,135 Yeah, I'll remember where I was. 137 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,761 So will I. 138 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:34,723 Nice guy. 139 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,811 - So, where's the Coach? Is he off or what? - No, he's in the back working. 140 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,897 I understand Irene postponed the wedding again. 141 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,150 Oh, what's that make? Three times now? 142 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,027 Can I have a Stoli, rocks, Sam? 143 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:50,530 Yeah, I don't think he's seen much of her since she became Miss Moneybags. 144 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,241 Yeah, yeah, just like a woman. I tell you, they're only good for one thing. 145 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,702 And for you, not even that. 146 00:08:56,578 --> 00:09:00,331 No, I'm kind of worried. I mean, this doesn't seem to faze Coach. 147 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,500 He just keeps going on like nothing happened. 148 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,919 Yeah, it's like he's got his head in the sand. 149 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,923 - Did my fiancée call, Sam? - Uh, no, Coach, not today. 150 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:13,595 - Well, when she does, I'll be in the back, huh? - Hey, Coach, uh, wait a second here. 151 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,889 Let me have a little talk with you. 152 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,643 Uh, everything going along all right with you and Irene? 153 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,979 - Yeah, sure, never better. - Ah. 154 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,565 Well, I hear she changed the wedding date again. 155 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,234 - What's the story? - Well, it's just nerves, Sam. 156 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:32,447 - You know, you know, it's only natural. - But you've hardly seen her lately, Coach. 157 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,158 Well, she's been making all these wedding plans. 158 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,951 I'm not worried about it. 159 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,497 Coach, she moved and she didn't tell you where. 160 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,292 Well, I am a little worried about that, 161 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:47,378 but with all the excitement, she probably just forgot. 162 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,839 Coach, listen, listen to me. 163 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:53,134 Look, I'm going to tell you straight, and you just better listen to me right now. 164 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,594 Wait a minute, Sam. 165 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:55,929 Before you do, 166 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,182 - could I ask a very special favor of you? - What? 167 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,267 Sam, would you please be my best man? 168 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:07,524 Oh, Coach... Oh, sure, sure. 169 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,359 I'd be proud to. 170 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,444 Thanks, Sam. 171 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,364 Now, if I can just clear this with Irene. 172 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,991 Well, what does she care who your best man is? 173 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,952 No, it's not Irene. It's Sue. 174 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,745 Uh, if you showed up at the wedding, 175 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,206 she said something about hiring a sniper. 176 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,545 Well, she can't stop thinking about me. 177 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:32,715 Obviously, little Miss Sue has a bad case of Sammy-it is. 178 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,761 Sometimes known as the Swine Flu. 179 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,016 Sam, admit it. The poor woman had a low threshold 180 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,519 for overbearing bores. 181 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,479 Well, I got an idea. 182 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,608 May--maybe I could, uh, send her a relief map of my body. 183 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:54,863 Or you, you could send her a life-sized portrait of your brain. 184 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,157 I know a good miniaturist. 185 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,034 Nah, that's not sexy. 186 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:03,872 Hi, everyone. 187 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,623 Ooh. 188 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,751 Is Ernie here? I'd like to talk to him. 189 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,087 He'll be honored you remembered his name. 190 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,964 Carla, come on, stay out of this. 191 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,966 Uh, yeah. Uh, Coach? 192 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:18,052 - Somebody here to see you. - Is it Irene? 193 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,387 Yeah, it is. 194 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,265 Irene, I haven't seen you since the night I proposed. 195 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,100 How are the wedding plans going? 196 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,270 Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Ernie. 197 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,646 Well, what?--what did you want to do? 198 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:33,234 - Move the date up or something? - Ernie, would you please sit down? 199 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,402 Oh, sure, come on. 200 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,782 Do you know where I was tonight? 201 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,410 Uh, probably at home... 202 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,454 wherever that is. 203 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,540 I went to the governor's mansion for dinner. 204 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,250 Holy mackerel. 205 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:53,171 I--I guess you didn't think I'd want to go, huh? 206 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,465 No, the point is, 207 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,760 ever since I won that money, I've been meeting new people, 208 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,929 experiencing new things, 209 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,640 and there's a lot more I still want to do. 210 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,769 I'm talking about Paris, Monaco, London. 211 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:12,148 - Well, I'd be perfectly happy with Six Flags. - I know you would. 212 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,360 Ernie... 213 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,404 This is really... 214 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,156 This is very hard for me. 215 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:27,538 I wouldn't want to hurt you for the world, but the plain truth is 216 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,875 I'm not the same person I was three weeks ago. 217 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,836 That person loved you. 218 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,506 You're a good man, 219 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,008 but I've been married to a good man. 220 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,803 I've never been obscenely wealthy. 221 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:45,056 Money changes people, Ernie. 222 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:50,603 Well, it hasn't changed me. I mean, I'm engaged to a very wealthy woman, 223 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,983 but I'm still the same simple guy I always was. 224 00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:01,239 Ernie, I-- I don't think we're engaged anymore. 225 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:02,907 I'm sorry. 226 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,415 I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. 227 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,209 Wait a minute. There's nothing to forgive, 228 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:18,006 because this isn't you talking. It's the money. 229 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,509 You've got to get this out of your system, Irene, 230 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,261 and... 231 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,888 you'll come back to me. 232 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,018 I wish I could make you understand. 233 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,771 Look, we set a wedding date, right? 234 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,481 That date is still set, 235 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,319 and when that date comes along, I'll be right here waiting for you. 236 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,571 Goodbye, Ernie. 237 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,700 Have a wonderful life. 238 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,037 Irene, you're crazy. This isn't goodbye. 239 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,455 Yes, it is. 240 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,166 - Oh, no, honey, it isn't. - It is. 241 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,595 Boy, she's going to make one hell of a wife, ain't she? 242 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,264 Isn't it romantic? 243 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,767 Da-da-da-da-de-da-da 244 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,313 Yeah, it's a-- What I like is a nice, clean break. 245 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,074 Da-da-ta-dum 246 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,658 - Whoa! - Oh. 247 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,243 Coach. 248 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,662 Pretty spiffy there. What's the occasion? 249 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,290 It's only my wedding day. Some cologne, please. 250 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,335 - You heard from Irene, Coach? - Well, not for a while, 251 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,961 but you're not supposed to see the bride 252 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,922 before the ceremony anyway, are you? 253 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,757 No, but you're supposed to know 254 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,093 whether or not she's in the country, at least. 255 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,053 Sam, will you stop worrying 256 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,181 about every little thing, like countries, huh? 257 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,393 - All right. - This is a very happy day. 258 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:57,980 Uh, folks... Folks, 259 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,024 I have an apology to make. 260 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,863 A lot of you can't be invited to the wedding, 261 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:09,117 because it's going to be a small, private affair. 262 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,286 - I'm sorry some of you had to be left out. - Like the bride, huh? 263 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,665 That really hurts. 264 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,876 Then I haven't lived in vain. 265 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,671 Diane, I'm sorry, 266 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,215 but you can't sing at the wedding like you offered to. 267 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,759 I understand. 268 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,930 Yeah, just standing there looking geeky will be entertainment enough. 269 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,558 Sam, I'm going to go in 270 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,601 and check on my honeymoon reservation. 271 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,022 Looks like the Coach is headed for Dump City, 272 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,108 and he's got his pedal to the metal. 273 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,487 I still say there's something touching about it. 274 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,950 A man with that much hope and faith in a relationship is very rare. 275 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,453 So's the oxygen to your brain. 276 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:57,165 Look, Diane, you're not helping him by saying stuff like that. 277 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,208 We've got to get the Coach to face reality. 278 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,793 Come on, Diane. 279 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,337 I mean, you of all people should realize how painful it is 280 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,174 to love somebody who doesn't love you back. 281 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,262 Ah, yes, your sobbing, your whimpering, 282 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,140 your moony-eyed sighs have not gone unnoticed. 283 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,934 You must have dreamt that about me. 284 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,853 So the dreams about me continue, huh? 285 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,481 Still have the one about the white horse? 286 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,691 One end of it. 287 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,488 Sam, the day I met Frasier Crane, 288 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,364 I stopped looking for Mr. Right. 289 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,909 Yeah, that would discourage me too. 290 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,704 Why don't you two either hit each other in the face or shut up? 291 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,957 - We're trying to deal with the Coach here. - All right, Carla, you're right, 292 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,628 but is there anything wrong with a man believing that the woman he loves will come back to him? 293 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,797 Yes, when the chances that she will are "none" and "forget it." 294 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,843 Well, I'm sure that if Irene knew how strongly the Coach still felt about it, 295 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,930 she'd make an effort to talk to him and straighten him out. 296 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,057 Yeah, but we don't even know how to get in touch with her. 297 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,936 Ooh, but I do know how to get in touch with her daughter, Miss Frostbottom. 298 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,312 Tell you what I'm going to do. 299 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,606 I'm going to give her a little message to pass on to her mother, 300 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,816 and she can keep a little of it for herself. 301 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,360 - Ooh, yeah. - That's it. 302 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,654 Yeah, a little message about a couple of women 303 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,864 that don't know the first thing about being decent to folks... 304 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,783 - All right. - All right. 305 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,161 Hi, babe, Sam Malone. Busy tonight? 306 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:20,748 For the rest of your life. Yeah, well, I thought that's what you were going to say, 307 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,376 but, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, before you hang up on me here, 308 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,295 this phone call doesn't have anything to do with you. 309 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:29,423 It's about your mother and the way she's been treating the Coach. 310 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,009 I mean, I think it stinks. I don't even want to tell you 311 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,680 how enraged I am over the phone, so how about we get together for dinner tonight, huh? 312 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,015 Yeah, well, I knew you were going to say that, 313 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,977 but, uh, listen up here. I don't want to go to dinner. I already ate... 314 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,772 So did we. 315 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,317 So, uh, how about a drink? 316 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,319 Well, I knew you were going to say that too, 317 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,531 but, uh, I've got news for you, I don't drink, so, yeah, 318 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,283 who feels stupid now, huh? 319 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,536 You agree with me? 320 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,705 Well, yeah, 321 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,207 well, you should be ashamed of your mother, Sue. 322 00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,167 I mean, come on, what's going on here? 323 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,253 Corfu? 324 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,673 Oh, no. 325 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,049 Oh... 326 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,843 Yeah, well, thanks. 327 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,930 Boy, you know, I'm beginning to hate the women in that family. 328 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,348 What is it? 329 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,894 Irene's engaged to another man, some hotshot 330 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,813 foreign industrialist millionaire. 331 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,149 Said his name was Glods or something. 332 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,944 Stanislaw Glods? Ooh, what a catch. 333 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,406 Anyway... 334 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,453 She's living with him in Corfu, wherever the hell that is. 335 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,414 Hmm, Corfu, yeah, poor man's Pensacola. 336 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:48,669 - Cheese it. Here he comes. - Don't anybody say anything about this. 337 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:52,006 - Any calls, Sam? - No, uh, Coach, no calls. 338 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,758 You mean Irene didn't call? 339 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:58,179 Coach, I don't think Irene's going to call... ever. 340 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:01,557 Oh, Sam, you're so young. You're so young. 341 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:06,854 Hey, Coach, she's engaged to another man. 342 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,607 I just spoke to her daughter. Some rich European guy. 343 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,859 Oh, heavens to Betsy. 344 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,863 It looks like I've been left at the altar. Whatever shall I do? 345 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,492 Coach, will you wake up and smell the coffee? 346 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,453 Hey, hey, hey, hey, Diane. Take it easy, will you? 347 00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,830 Coach, I'm sorry. 348 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,708 I didn't mean to yell at you. Please forgive me. 349 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,169 It's okay, honey. It's okay. 350 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,546 Up until a few moments ago, 351 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,882 I, too, was a holdout for a happy ending, 352 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:39,887 but even this new, seemingly incontrovertible evidence 353 00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:43,724 hasn't shaken your faith a fig. 354 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,267 How can you be so certain? 355 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,728 Right here, Diane. 356 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,147 The human heart-- who knows how it works? 357 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,900 Well, it's essentially an involuntary muscle, Coach, 358 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,569 - activated by electrical impulses-- - Exactly! 359 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,907 No one. It works by feelings, Diane. 360 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,995 All my feelings tell me that she'll be back. You understand? 361 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,541 She'll be back here before closing time. 362 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,128 Isn't that romantic? 363 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,506 Ta-da-da-da-da da-dum-da-da 364 00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,387 Nothing's sadder than a man holding on to a dead dream. 365 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,473 Unless it's a blonde woman struggling to keep her hopes up. 366 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,185 No, I think it's a tall ex-baseball player who clings forlornly-- 367 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,949 Come on, Coach. How about the three of us 368 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,326 go out and get something to eat, like old times? 369 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,787 I thought I knew her. 370 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,749 I--I was so sure she'd come back today. 371 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:54,378 Well, maybe she had a family crisis... 372 00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:57,089 like her daughter fell off her broomstick. 373 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,425 - Sam. - Oh, sorry. 374 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,303 Coach, how about a pizza? You love pizza. 375 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,346 Oh, no. No, I don't, Diane. 376 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,348 You can't crawl in bed with a pizza. 377 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,978 Well, maybe you could, but a pizza can't keep you warm. 378 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,231 Well, maybe it could, but you can't kiss a pizza. 379 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:18,068 - Your lips'd get kind of-- - Uh, Coach, we get the point. 380 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,988 You know what really hurts the most? 381 00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,865 What? 382 00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:27,244 I thought right up to the very last moment that she'd call. 383 00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:29,997 How could I have been so wrong? 384 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,711 You just wanted it to happen so badly, you never thought it wouldn't. 385 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,882 No, Diane, no. I never doubted it. I thought we'd get together, 386 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,718 but I guess the money did change her. 387 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,679 I guess it did. 388 00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,225 You want to know something? 389 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,520 I'm starting to wonder if we would have made that good a couple. 390 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,272 Come on, let's get some pizza. 391 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,364 Boy, life with her sure ain't boring. 392 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:12,248 Coach, don't answer that phone. We both know, like you do, that it's Irene, 393 00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,041 but why not teach her a lesson? 394 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:17,711 No, Diane, if she was thoughtful enough to call... 395 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,719 Yeah, look, look, honey, let me do the talking. 396 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:28,180 If I hear your voice, I might change my mind. 397 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:32,852 You're better off with the rich guy. I realize that, even if you don't. 398 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:37,481 Now, look, we had some good times. Just take care of yourself, huh? 399 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,488 I hope she understands. 400 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,535 Coach, wait a sec here. 401 00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:54,039 Did you actually hear her voice on the phone? 402 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:57,501 I didn't have to, Sam. It was her. 403 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,796 So it's all over? 404 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:03,757 Well, it's all over for me, but... 405 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:06,302 I still feel sorry for her. 406 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,935 Poor kid. 407 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,693 It's her. 408 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:25,905 Isn't it 409 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:28,115 Romantic? 410 00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:34,705 Merely to be young On such a night as this?